HEY! You thought you were rid of us, didn't 'ya? Well, never fear! Those antibiotics did nothing but kill off the weaker components of The Beaumonts Infection, allowing the particularly nasty, stronger, more invasive, strains of this bacterium to thrive unabated, or somethin'.
I reckon it needs to be said that we are making a new record, which should be seen for a quarter at your favorite flea market or perpetual yard sale by mid-2012. Keep an eye out.
Here's somethin' else: There's no point to keeping up with this website, what with all the "havin' to figure out how to work this fuckin' thing every year-and-a-half rigmarole," so if you're in the mood for current news, get on over to Facebook or ReverbNation for your Beaumonts needs.
Dear lord, almighty! How long have I forsaken thee? Well, sir, that ain't long enough!
Troy Wayne here with the fake news, howdy, now let's get to it.
It sure is hot here in Lubbock. Good God,it is. I figure the only thing I have to mention besides the heat, is my brand new appendectomy. Is that how you spell it? That thing they do when your guts set to stabbin' atcha and you have to have part of 'em removed by a real doctor? Well, that's what I had, and guess what? There was actually a glut of pills over here at my trailer for about one day. After that, just pain.
Oh yeah, THE RECORD IS DONE!!! That's right, I'm lookin' at it right here on the coffee table. When you get your copy, you'll notice right offa the bat how kickass we look in the picture on the cover. It's hard to not mention that, I'm afraid. Number two: That music on there is so good, it seems like it must be somebody else playin' it, but it ain't! That's us on there, the goddamn, fo-sho, Beaumonts.
It'll be out on Arclight Records on August 27. We'll be havin' us a party at The Hole in the Wall in Austin, Texas on that same day. Come on down and we'll sign your body parts and ask to borrow money. After a few drinks, other ideas and suggestions will undoubtedly come up, you are completely free to ignore or indulge in either, this is Texas. Point bein', there's finally some good country by-god music to break up this dismal music season.
Oh yeah, from now on, no music venue, festival, birthday party, or music venue The Beaumonts play will serve Lone Star beer during our set. Reason is, Lone Star ain't a respectable outfit anymore. They pretend like they're Texans, kind of like that asshole Toby Keith and his copycat step-cousin "The Nuge," but they are really some corporate assholes from up north who don't even brew any of their own beer. I'll elaborate some more on this when I'm a little more under the influence. Right now, I'm as sober as Pat Boone and it's hurtin' my brain to be peckin' all these words out on this godforsaken machine. Let's end it for now. Get on down to The Hole in the Wall and check us out on August 27 was the message here, you can skip the rest of this transmission and just read this part.
This has been TW Delco, comin' atcha from deep in Central Lubbock, Texas. Now that I can buy booze without drunk drivin' out to the strip, I don't even drink anymore, which figures.
Well humpin-jumpin Jesus, looks like we're wrappin us another year up real good here in Lubbock. Right on the eve of baby Jesus' birthday we got us a bunch of snow on the ground, goddamn wind's blowing 90-to-nothin', the old lady's gone over to her sister's trailer 'cause she's "Sick of my shit" and me and Steve'r camped out in front of the hi-fi with a handle of Jimmy Beam and a bucket of Popeye's. Gonna be a good one, I can tell.
By the way, this is Troy Wayne comin' atcha from Lubbock, Steve's in the house and says "howdy."
First off, we want to thank all of our friends in San Marcos for participating in our first food drive. We raised around 4500 lbs of food and it was a real, real good time. In addition, a big thanks to all them pretty gals who rubbed on us inappropriately, showed us their drawers and other stuff, and who whispered something I think was pretty dirty in my ear. Please bring pills next time.
Secondly, I know its been said a million times already, but the new Beaumonts record is almost done. It's sooooooooo close, and from what I can tell, its probably the best recording of anything ever made. You'll see what I mean early next year.
Third, we have a few real good shows coming up and I'd like to go ahead and showcase two of them right now. New Years eve at Emo's in Austin, Texas with Scott Biram. Last time we played a New Years eve show I pissed the couch in the lobby of a Budget Inn in Snyder. I hope this one is as good as that one was.
Coming at the end of January, we have a little deal at Hole in the Wall in Austin with a band called the Hickoids. I have been told that this band has a lot of pills, which I am excited about.
All right, that's about it. Look for The Beaumonts on the cover of Weird magazine here pretty soon. There's a lot of irons in the fire for 2010, so check for the update. Steve says "Happy Holidays," I say the same.
We'll be talkin' atcha.
Good God! Where has the time gone?
Welcome back to The Beaumonts, I'm TWD, here's the news:
Firstly, and foremostly, its been a long, hot summer up here on the South Plains. Your friends, The Beaumonts have been hole-up in our trailers, with all the windows covered up with tinfoil, just waitin' for the sun to disappear for a minute. Looks like we'll be comin' out sometime in August to kick off the fall portion of our dirty little honky-tonk schedule. Got some good ones comin' up, got some surprises comin' up, probably got us some long nights and short pay comin' up, too.
We got us a record comin', too!
I reckon that's it for now, keep an eye on the schedule, we'll be stoppin' in soon. Here comes!
How do, and welcome back to all the news that's worth a fuck. I'm TW Delco and this is the update:
First off, thanks to everybody who helped get this crazy computer site up-and running. Without you folks, and you know who I'm talkin' to, without you, we'd all probably have been eaten by werewolves. So,thanks!
Secondly, we have a whole bunch of shows for March. Come on out and get your drunk and stupid on, also, make sure to buy lots of merch and tell Don Ed he looks really nice, not retarded at all, in his new haircut.
Our first session for the upcoming, as-yet untitled (but I am leaning toward FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHITTY CLUB) recording effort went worse than expected, which in Beaumonts land translates to "great." I'd say the very worst part of the whole thing was the constant vomiting, although Steve thinks the "indiscriminate bullying and waving around of the pistol by Troy" part was a contender. Really? Either way, stay glued to the screen for updates on our progress.
All right, seems like I've covered it for now. Everybody knows what to do, right? Well, all right.
Looks like the boys will be headed to the studio with our fearless producer, Whitey Blackfinger, in early February of '09.
There'll be plenty of shows this year, so keep an eye out! We have a few dates for SXSW in Austin, and they'll be posted here as soon as they're confirmed.
Also, we got us a brand new store right here on the world-wide web. Now you can get all the kickass Beaumonts merch you want, delivered right to your front door.
Looks like that's it for now. See y'all down in San Antonio.